Seriously, what-is-it? 

I ask myself this question over and over again. Then, I ask myself: does it have to be with a man, or a woman? Can it be with a purse? a shoe? a brand? a designer? a celebrity? Is there a true limit to who you love or what you love? Can I make a pair of Christian Louboutin my boyfriend? Or do I have to keep it in the‘friend zone’? So many questions… so many things to think about. 

Today, I went into one of my favourite Department stores in Toronto, The Bay. On the 4th floor, at “the Room” I could not help myself from walking away from this handbag. Yep! a handbag actually held me back from doing what I was going to do. I was going to eat (it’s 6 o’clock and my first meal of the day). I have been thinking of food for hours - where to go and what to eat…

The sight of the black, Proenza Schouler, PS11 handbag, hanging on a white mannequin froze me for the moment. I could not believe my eyes- this was the first time I have ever seen this bag physically, and I wished for it since Fall 2010. I wanted to touch the bag, but I held myself back. Touching the handbag would have just made it more real: I cannot afford the bag (atm) and it would be harder to walk away from it, and cause more unneeded pain.

I walked away from my dream bag with a slight smile and satisfaction of ‘atleast’ being able to see it; jokingly, I also screamed: “Where the hell is my future Sugar Daddy?”

So we come back to the main question, “what is love?” Isn’t love having the ability to be patient (waiting) and understanding (I am poor- so in my dreams). Love should make you happy and make everything easy, and if you are willing to love then you should learn the importance of sacrifice (marrying an older [under 35] man over a 24-year-old supermodel looking guy).

Am I in love? Is this an infatuation? If it is an infatuation, then isn’t 1.5 years quite a long time for “just an infatuation”? The questions continues… 

Proenza Schouler- Fall 2010